Once upon a time

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Once upon a time fairies spreads its wings. Unicorn shines into the darkness. Rainbow have golds in its end. Mermaids have long red hair. Four clover leaf grows everywhere. Genie grants 3 wishes. Kites fly in the summer light. A phoenix rose from ashes. Witch makes love potion. Gecko cries. Pandora opens the box. Diamonds are forever. Dwarf rules the mine. Geisha puts on white make ups. Cupid raise its bow and arrow. Love never dies. A prayer answers many question. Planets revolved around the sun. Shamrock gives luck. A man loves a woman. But somethings never last. Some stayed. Others leave. Some are just forgotten and most of them remains jus once upon a time.

Photographs

 

Papers filled with so many memories

left unseen, scattered everywhere

wanted to be seen

willing to share what it says.

An image of a young lady

all put together and created a story.

Behind those brown eyes

no more traces of lies.

If only those stares speaks,

those eyes so complete.

Little did everyone knows

she suffered, got hurt.

A lot don’t understand

what was those picture shows

but if you’ll look at the other side

you’ll learn there’s hidden emotion

beneath those smile.

Those faces staring at me

reminds me of my own sad story.

Because that girl in the photographs

represents my past.

 

Into the ground

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I tried to fly

yet I can’t find my wings.

I drop to the ground

with nothing to hold on.

I fought being dragged down.

I grip into the darkness.

I struggle to survive

and keep on breathing.

Life have been drifted away

I’m barely alive

When I closed my eyes.

Everything stops.

 

 

Aside

My unheard speech

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Sometimes love never happens in order.

It just pops up.

In one snap you’ll just find yourself flooded with feelings.

Sometimes

Love is the first song you hear in the morning.

The soft blows of air on your face.

It could be a new shoelace for your old rugged pair of sneakers.

A wild flower that grows on the road.

The brightest star on the night sky.

Or your first day of your freshmen year.

Or a smell of a book.

Or a ringtone on your smart phone.

Or a percentage of alcohol in a beer.

Or a coin on your purse.

Love is no coincidence.

It’s fate.

Love is everything.

It could be anything.

It could be something you already have.

Love could also be

a cherry blossoms on spring.

A maple leaf during fall.

A snowflakes on winter

and a sunburn during summer.

Or it could also be a rain at any time of the day.

Love is timely.

It is never early nor late.

It arrives on its own time and chance.

Yes.

Love is always like that.


 

Words that I never utter during my cousins wedding because I didn’t have the confident to deliver a speech.

 

When I faced my fear

They wheeled me in at 30 minutes past six. It was the first case of that day. When I reached the O.R door I said my prayer. And then they transferred me to the bed on the center of the room. It was cold. Someone offered me a warm blanket. I was alone. I closed my eyes. After a few minutes I woke up. Someone wants me to curl like a shrimp. They will do spinal anesthesia. I oblige. I curled and stayed on that position without moving. I don’t want to move because if I move an inch the tip of that needle might paralyze me permanently. Then so sudden I felt pain on my back. Terrible explainable sharp pain. It was excruciating. I clutch the scrub suit of the person hugging me to my position. And then the pain stops. I asked “is it done?” they said there’s another one. I braced myself again. And another pain. I hold tight to the same person. He doesn’t mind me squeezing his arm. He’s a comfort. Then the pain stops again. They lay me flat. I’m still fully awake. I’m conscious but anxious. In a few seconds they will gonna open me up. The doctor points something sharp on my tummy asking me if I can feel it. I said yes.  She repeat again I told her I can still feel the sharpness. Then I wonder. I know I’m immune to pain killers. Does strong ones doesn’t affect me at all too? Then everything went black. When I woke up I don’t know how many minutes or hours that passed. But I felt an oxygen cannula on my nose. I felt a cold air on my nostrils. I just keep my silence. Then so sudden I felt something is not okay. I can’t  breathe. I told the doctor I feel suffocating. Then automatically I felt someone puts an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth. I breathe normally as I could. Then everything went blank again. For the third time I open my eyes again. This time I felt there’s a lot of people around. Taking . I listen. I was so anxious . And for the first time I saw the drape blocking my sight from the things that was going on at the front. But I know I’m being open up. I called the doctor again. She said to me “just sleep”. I closed my eyes.

When I opened my eyes again I heard the doctor tells someone to call my mother. I became more anxious. I called the doctor again. This time I was crying. She assured me everything is okay. Then I sleep again.

When I open my eyes I was inside the recovery room. The clock says 1100 hours. I can’t move my legs. I tried to feel my legs. I can’t. I tried to move it. I can’t. I know it would take time for the anesthesia to run off. I waited. 1300 hours. I saw my mom. She said everything is okay. I sleep. Then I woke up because I heard my cousins voice. I open my eyes. I wanted to talk. She forbade me. So I just keep quiet. 1400 hours still I can’t move my legs. I call the nurse. I told her if my legs are moving. she said no. I was frustrated.  I waited again. At 1500 hours I tried to move my legs. I saw it was moving. I called the nurse. I showed it to her. She said very good. I’m so happy.

At 1600 hours they wheeled me back to my room. I’m lying flat. At the door of my room I saw my mom, my cousin, my niece and my best friend. I was so overwhelmed. I was relieved.

I undergo operation. The very thing I’m scared of. But I surpassed it. I survived. I was alive.